Self-Care 101: Do Not Follow In My Footsteps

I’m here to share my personal journey that I believe many women will find relatable. Over the past 3.5 years, I’ve endured an overwhelming series of medical challenges. Among other smaller procedures, I have had 6 major surgeries since November 2020. Just a few of the major procedures I have had since 2020 include, two separate neck fusions, an ankle replacement, and replacement of both of my knees. This period has truly been hell on my body.  It is only now that I am on the other side of the surgeries, even though still healing from the most recent ones, that I have been able to look back to try to figure out how I kept going.  

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Reflecting on the last 3.5 years, I realized that my relentless focus on career advancement and family care meant I placed myself last in all aspects of life, including my mental health. I ignored my well-being for too long, attributing symptoms to stress and brushing off significant health issues. This newsletter is my way of urging you not to repeat my mistakes.

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The Consequences of Neglecting Self-Care

Ignoring my health had severe consequences. I remained significantly overweight for an extended period of time, which I believe contributed to my health decline in addition to the stress load that I have been carrying for so long. I dismissed for 5 years the signs and symptoms I was having in my neck. I had for 5 years numbness in my hands every night, a constantly stiff and sore neck among other symptoms. I truly thought my symptoms were due to stress, and possibly the worst case scenario being carpal tunnel.  

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Then in October 2020, I was forced to seek medical help because I woke up on a Saturday morning unable to move my neck and was in extreme pain. I soaked in a bath for 2 hours that morning just to be able to move. I was in extraordinary pain. The pain was so tremendous that after a week of hot tub baths, seeking chiropractic help, and seeing my masseuse, I finally called my Orthopaedic group. The whole time I was suffering, I didn’t slow down my workload. After the first round of treatment didn’t work, I was sent for an MRI. The Doctor looked at my MRI results and was shocked I was still walking around and said I needed to be in surgery immediately otherwise I was risking permanent paralysis. He warned me that another disk was going bad but it wasn’t bad enough to fix yet. 

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In late October 2022, the other disc gave out. I woke up and instantly knew that I needed surgery again. I went to go see the Doctor, and after reviewing the MRI, we scheduled surgery immediately. I went back into surgery almost 2 years exactly to the date. What was worse this time was that surgery was scheduled the Wednesday before my kids were released for their 9  day Thanksgiving Holiday and I had a jury trial scheduled to start the Monday following Thanksgiving. I didn’t want my medical procedure to interfere with my family Thanksgiving Trip, nor my client’s jury trial. So despite being three days post op, I took a long flight and spent my time on the beach preparing for a jury trial while in a C-Collar, and trying to make the best of that trip. In the end, I suffered physically and mentally.  I didn’t give myself enough time to recover initially, making my recovery much more difficult. Hindsight is always 20/20 and looking back now, I would never repeat that time period because I sacrificed my health for everyone else.   The only person that ended up suffering was me.  

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The Breaking Point

The breaking point for me came December 2023. I was scheduled for the first of my knee replacements. I was scheduled to have the surgery in mid-December. I wasn’t cleared for surgery because my blood pressure was at stroke level and I was so anemic that I had to undergo iron infusions. I thought I was tired all the time because of my unrelenting work calendar. I never even thought to make the connection to something more serious. Such instances underscore the immense physical and mental strain I endured, pushing through pain and surgeries without proper recovery. I have no one to blame other than myself. I kept thinking that if I did more work, clients would be happier, and if I had to sacrifice myself continually to make someone else in my family happy—even at my expense—and work harder to earn more money, then it was worth the sacrifice. Up until this most recent surgery, I have never taken the full amount of time off that was doctor recommended to heal, this even includes my c-sections for my three boys.  

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Take A Different Path

I truly believe that this contributed to the substantial mental health decline that I dealt with for the last three years and the degradation of my physical health. I am praying that because now I am looking after my health and taking the required time to heal, I can start reversing the downward trend I was on. I was very much on a path to not live much longer.  Last December, it is only by the grace of a higher power that I did not have a massive stroke. I write this so that others do not follow in my footsteps. Your mental and physical health should be your number one priority. Everything else can take a back seat, and yes this includes your children and your spouse/significant other. To anyone that tells you otherwise, tell them to take a hike because that person isn’t going to be the one to pick up the pieces in the case of your untimely demise. You cannot help your clients or take care of your family if you are not around.

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The Importance of Self-Care for Women

Women often prioritize the well-being of their children and significant others, neglecting their own needs. We are raised and conditioned by society to wear multiple hats—caretaker, professional, spouse, parent, volunteer—without acknowledging the toll it takes on our bodies and minds. It's crucial to change this narrative. My experience serves as a cautionary tale: self-care is not a luxury but a necessity.

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It’s time to break the silence surrounding the pressures women face. Society expects us to excel in all areas without discussing the repercussions. I remember my father telling me I had to choose between being a mother and a professional, actually telling me that I couldn’t be both. This came from the same person who firmly believed—and had told me—that each space a woman occupied in professional schools was a wasted space that should have gone to a man because men always outwork women. 

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My New Venture

I’m passionate about this new venture because I want to reduce my time in the Courtroom. Ultimately, I would like to leave the Courtroom behind because the Courtroom is truly not the place for families. In addition to the stressors of life (marriage, end of marriages, raising children), the stress of my chosen profession has worn me down physically and mentally,  potentially shortening my life expectancy.  I chose this profession and I am not regretting what I have chosen, I just know that it’s now time to change focus. It’s time to help others succeed and avoid the pitfalls that I have made and endured.  With this realization, I want to create a space where women can openly discuss their struggles, prioritize their health, and learn from my journey.

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Final Thoughts

What you see is what you get with me. Despite the surgeries and pain, I’ve continued to appear strong and capable in my professional life. But the reality is that neglecting self-care has profound consequences. I hope this blog inspires you to put yourself first, listen to your body, and seek the care you deserve.

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Thank you for joining me on this journey. Let's prioritize our health together.

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