The High Stakes Game of Choosing a Good Divorce Lawyer

The Stakes Are High

Divorce is temporary. The consequences of your divorce? Those last forever.

Who you choose to represent you in your family law case isn’t just a box to check. It’s one of the biggest financial and emotional decisions you’ll ever make. Because once the ink dries, it’s you—not your lawyer—who has to live with the outcome. You’re the one who has to navigate co-parenting, financial settlements, and the lasting effects of the legal battle. And if you pick the wrong attorney? You’re the one who pays the price.

Literally.

I’ve seen it happen too many times.

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How the Wrong Attorney Can Wreck Your Future

Let’s be blunt: Not all family law attorneys are created equal. And hiring the wrong one? That can:

• Drain the marital estate: Some attorneys love to fight for the sake of fighting—causing the cost of litigation to rapidly increase and escalating conflict when a reasonable resolution was possible. 
• Cost you your retirement: A bad lawyer can miscalculate settlements, undervalue assets, or push unnecessary litigation that wipes out your financial stability.
• Leave you in a worse position: Divorce is about securing your future, not just ‘winning’ a case because there truly isn’t “winning” in divorce court. The right lawyer fights for what truly matters—not petty battles that cost you more than they’re worth.

The worst part? Many people don’t realize their attorney is the problem until it’s too late.

I have seen cases where attorneys have completely failed their clients.  I have seen attorneys push cases to trial, despite precarious legal positions,  when it would have been much more advantageous for their clients to have settled.   The problem with the ultimate outcome of these types of cases  is that one side typically has the ability to rebuild their lives, the other side does not and those are the sides that would have benefited greatly by settling their cases prior to trial.  

This is what I mean when I say: Your lawyer isn’t the one who has to deal with the fallout—you are.

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What to Look for in a Family Law Attorney

If you don’t know how the system works, picking the right lawyer can feel overwhelming. So let’s break it down.

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Reputation in the Community: Ask around. Is this attorney known for being reasonable or a nightmare to deal with? Do they take solid legal positions, or do they waste time and money fighting battles they can’t win?  Do they treat cases as law school hypotheticals or do they analyze their cases based on the practicalities of what happens in the real world. 

Professional Relationships Matter: Your attorney doesn’t need to be best friends with opposing counsel, but they do need to be respected. Outliers and “scorched earth” attorneys rarely get good deals for their clients. Reputations of attorneys follow them wherever they go, this includes in the Courtroom.  

Strategic vs. Combative: You want someone who knows when to fight and when to settle. A great attorney fights for what truly matters—your financial security, your children’s well-being.

Trial Skills (But Not Trial Addiction): Some lawyers avoid trial at all costs (which is bad). Others push every case to trial even when it shouldn’t go there (also bad). The right attorney knows how to negotiate and knows when trial is the only option.

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The Bottom Line

The right family law attorney will work to protect your future. They will work to balance legal advocacy and reasonableness as it relates to litigation strategy and prioritize resolution, when possible, over chaos.

If you’re hiring a lawyer, ask the hard questions. Look beyond the sales pitch. Because at the end of the day, it’s your life—not theirs—that’s on the line.

And trust me—you don’t want to be the client sitting on the other side of the courtroom, realizing too late that your attorney was the biggest mistake of your divorce.

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