The Cost of High Conflict Divorces, and I Don’t Mean the Financial Cost

Divorce. It's a word that carries weight, complexity, and often, a spectrum of emotions that are hard to put into words. As someone that has lived the complexities of family law her entire life, I've witnessed firsthand the toll that high conflict divorces can take on individuals. But today, I want to delve beyond the financial implications and shine a light on a cost that often goes unnoticed: the toll on emotional well-being and self-care.

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In my journey this month, I've been focusing intensely on self-care and emotional well-being. It's not just about bubble baths and yoga (though those can be incredibly therapeutic!). It's about the deep, soul-nourishing practices that help us weather life's storms with grace and resilience.

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The Emotional Toll

High conflict divorces are notorious for their emotional turbulence. They can leave individuals feeling drained, anxious, and questioning their own worth. The constant battles, the back-and-forth negotiations, and the emotional upheaval can chip away at one's sense of stability and peace.

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Self-care becomes not just a luxury, but a lifeline in these situations. It's about carving out moments in the chaos to reconnect with oneself, to reaffirm one's worth beyond the courtroom dramas. Whether it's through mindfulness practices, seeking support from loved ones, or engaging in creative outlets, self-care offers a sanctuary amidst the storm.

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Emotional well-being, too, requires deliberate attention. It's about acknowledging the pain, the anger, and the grief that divorce often brings, while also nurturing hope and resilience for the future. Therapy, support groups, or simply allowing oneself to feel without judgment—these are all vital steps in the healing journey. 

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It’s important to recognize that the journey through divorce is as much about emotional recovery as it is about legal proceedings. It's about empowering individuals to reclaim their narrative, to prioritize their mental health amidst the legal complexities.

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The Physical Toll

Let us not forget the profound impact that divorce has on our physical well-being. I am a massive advocate for intentional self-care because I myself have experienced a multitude of health problems that were directly caused by neglect for my emotional and physical well being and my constant sacrifice of my needs.

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As a lawyer, I like evidence to be present when making a statement of direct causation such as the emotional is connected to the physical. This being said, according to research by Linda J. Waite of the University of Chicago and Mary Elizabeth Hughes of the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, individuals who have gone through divorce (or widowhood) face a 20% higher likelihood of experiencing long-term health issues such as heart disease, cancer, diabetes, metabolic problems, and other chronic conditions. Moreover, they are 23% more likely to encounter mobility issues such as difficulties with walking or climbing stairs (in case you didn't read my last blog, Self-Care 101, I can relate to this specifically after having double knee replacements and an ankle replacement). Although remarriage can offer some relief, those who remarry still have 12% more chronic illnesses and a 19% higher likelihood of mobility problems compared to individuals who have never divorced. 

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Self-care must be a non-negotiable part of the divorce process, if only to save yourself from the possibility of divorce induced chronic illnesses. In the end, the true cost of high conflict divorces isn't just measured in dollars and cents; it's measured in the emotional and physical.

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Peace is truly priceless.

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